[00:00:00] Speaker A: You welcome to the Business Miracles podcast. I'm Heather Dominic, founder of Businessmiracles.com and author of the book different the highly sensitive Leadership Revolution
[email protected] since 2010, I've been training highly sensitive entrepreneurs and leaders from around the globe to work less while making more impact and income by doing things differently. I'm so glad you joined me. Listen in and get ready.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: Get ready for a shift in the.
[00:00:32] Speaker A: Way you view yourself, your work, your life.
[00:00:35] Speaker C: A business miracle.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: This is a course in business miracles. Podcast Episode 181 Harness the Power of Privilege of Agency in this podcast episode, I go deep into what privilege of agency is and what it isn't. I share my own journey of how I developed this concept and how I've used it to make massively impactful changes in how I operate as an HSP in business and leadership. I discuss how it specifically relates to you as a highly sensitive who is also in business and leadership, and why this particular teaching is more important now than ever, all so that you will be able to step out of comparison traps and step into your purpose, be the change you want to see in the world, while also creating the personal success and freedom you desire.
Let's get started.
[00:01:43] Speaker D: You we are here to focus on a very important training topic, the privilege of agencies. So this is a training, a teaching that I introduced to the business miracles community of highly sensitive entrepreneurs and leaders back in 2018, encompassed within a larger training on comparison.
And since introducing the privilege of agency, there's always kind of been this wonky energy around this training.
So, privilege of agency. Let's start with definitions.
Breaking it down first, the Webster dictionary definition of privilege, which is a special right, an advantage or immunity granted available only to a particular person or group.
Definition of agency in social science, agency is defined as the capacity of individuals to act independently and to make their own free choices.
One's agency is one's independent capability or ability to act on one's will.
So first, why we as highly sensitive entrepreneurs and leaders tend to blank out when we hear this.
The concept of privilege of agency is very foreign to us.
When we are untrained as highly sensitive and operating, particularly from our shadows and our coping mechanisms, we tend towards shadows such as people pleasing shadows, such as perfectionism, shadows such as over responsibility or dipping into sympathy rather than our strength of empathy.
And from that place of shadows and coping, we associate something like privilege of agency with narcissism and the highly sensitive relationship with narcissists. I like to say, first, there's a phrase just a commonly known social phrase, which is that a narcissist will always land on their feet.
I like to say a narcissist will always land on their feet because there's always a highly sensitive there to catch them.
So when we're in our shadows and in our coping mechanisms, we have given up our privilege of agency in service to someone else's needs, the majority, if not all of the time.
So from here, let's look at what privilege of agency is not privilege of agency is not an excuse to act out from your shame shield.
Shame shields are against, towards, or away.
Privilege of agency is not permission to be aggressive by lashing out.
Privilege of agency is not permission to be passive aggressive by avoiding.
Privilege of agency is not permission to blame or shame others or yourself.
Privilege of agency is not an excuse to go into hiding, pushing, or combo plattering as a way of coping.
Privilege of agency is not an excuse to use spiritual sabotage.
And privilege of agency is not the shadows of people pleasing perfectionism, analysis, paralysis, or over responsibility or overprotection, or any other shadow behavior.
Take a breath in and let it out.
So what is privilege of agency?
Privilege of agency is a healthy approach to making decisions, using discernment, and setting boundaries based on your highly sensitive strengths, such as deep thinking, deep listening, your strength of intuition, and your ability to be excellent with language.
Privilege of agency is the gateway to your essential self.
So let me share with you first where and why I developed this teaching and training.
So as everything that I am consistently developing in service to highly sensitive leadership comes from my own experience.
So years ago, I had a very close health scare.
I had just moved apartments in Manhattan, and as moving to a new neighborhood, I had developed or I had set up appointments with new doctors. I went to an appointment with my new general practitioner.
And while in the waiting room filling out your standard welcome to our office information, I passed out, just dropped on the floor.
And that turned out to be an extremely low blood count, which put me into the emergency room, into the hospital, having to undergo two blood transfusions and an iron transfusion, and the beginning to multiple surgeries and a good two to three years of health recovery.
So anytime we are, well, hopefully I should say that we're up against a reminder of our health fragility.
There is an opportunity for a revisitation, revisitation of habits, a revisitation of patterns.
And through that process, I really began to look more deeply at the way that I was engaging, particularly with shadows, as a highly sensitive and definitely my shadow of over responsibility.
And as part of that, I started looking at, well, what drives this shadow. And through that deep inquiry, up against looking at more deeply all of the ways that I was operating under the socialized behavior of obligation.
And so I started very intentionally and proactively activating what I came to call privilege of agency.
And by doing that, looking very deeply at every decision that I was making, and like, small, tiny decisions, and looking at what I would choose to do just because that's what was expected to be done, or things that I would choose to do because that's what I had always chosen to do.
And so I want to give you some examples. So things like, I would schedule a hair appointment, and then I just wouldn't feel well enough to go.
And so I would need to call and cancel last minute.
And with that type of service, or a lot of types of service, if you call and cancel last minute, you're still obligated to pay for the service.
So in the past, I would have pushed myself, I would have gone into that coping mechanism of pushing and the socialized behavior to make sure that I made the appointment, even if it wasn't in my best interest.
And in the past, if I couldn't push myself to get there, although as a recovering pusher, that's typically what I would do. But if I couldn't push myself to get there, if it was really dire, then I would shift into either an irate version of the entitled queen. I can't believe that they have this type of policy and I'm getting charged and that's ridiculous, or I would beat myself up. What's wrong with you? Why can't you just get there? Anyone who's normal, they wouldn't have to cancel this appointment. Just get yourself on the subway. Stop being such a baby with the activation of privilege of agency. It's my choice.
I'm not going to push myself.
It's not in my best interest to make it to this appointment.
I respect policies because I respect myself, so I respect others, so I happily pay for that appointment that I'm not going to go to.
That's privilege of agency that's taking something that is so socialized and so ingrained in us and flipping it and also recognizing it's not a one and done. It's not an either or, it's not an all or nothing.
Meaning, because I decide to cancel an appointment one time and pay for the service that I don't use doesn't mean that that's what I'm going to do all the time, or what I should do all the time, or what anybody else should or shouldn't do, because I'll use privilege of agency the next time.
So, why is privilege of agency important for us as highly sensitive entrepreneurs and leaders? And why is it important now more than ever?
So, first of all, it's important for us as highly sensitive entrepreneurs and leaders because our nervous system is wired differently. So a lot of the times, what you need for your well being and to operate at your ultimate best is different than those around you, which means that your decisions are going to be different than those around you.
Which means that then, as highly sensitive entrepreneur, your marketing is going to be different than those around you. The way that you approach selling is going to be different than those around you. The way that you set up the operations of your business is going to be different than those around you.
And you don't need to defend yourself. You don't need to try to fit yourself into someone else's model or mode. That is your privilege of agency to set things up so that you can be as successful as possible for who you are as a highly sensitive.
Why is this more important now more than ever?
Let's take a moment to actually acknowledge and call out the elephant in the room, which is that as a global society, we are experiencing reverberation shockwaves.
The unpredictability is creating an immense amount of waves of anxiety throughout the entire global population.
Now, most people don't even realize that they're feeling this anxiety. So it's being acted out. People are shooting each other. Domestic violence has increased.
People are making weird and rash decisions.
There's an overall sense of rage, and most people don't even understand why.
Next level of people, they have some sense of the fact that they're feeling extremely anxious because of this massive unpredictability, and they're blaming it on somebody else.
And then there's those of us in this community who are feeling it all now more than ever. As a highly sensitive entrepreneur, as a highly sensitive leader, is not the time to flake out.
It's not the time to go foggy.
It's not the time to succumb to highly sensitive shadows or your coping mechanisms.
It is time to innovate to a new normal.
So I get it. What's happening in the world right now is terrible.
It is awful. I personally have been managing waves of grief at multiple levels and layers. It doesn't make sense to go into here now for this train meaning.
But what does make sense is to be very conscious about the decisions you're making, what you're discerning, and the difficult conversations that may or may not need to be had in order for you to be operating at your best as a highly sensitive entrepreneur and leader. Now more than ever, for yourself and your own preservation, for the preservation of the relationships that are important to you, and for the preservation of the service you are here to provide.
So again, now is not the time to flake out.
Now is not the time to go missing.
Now is not the time to engage in shame shields. Now is not the time to be entitled queen or Scullery maid.
Now is the time to be the regal king. To be the regal queen.
Now is the time to fulfill your royal advisor role as you do this, as you activate privilege of agency as you dare to emerge as your essential self. Now more than ever, you're going to be happier.
You're going to have a lot more ease in being productive and creating what you want. You're definitely going to be more available to be of service to others.
And that's the part that you have to play to activate positive change in the midst of the way that it can feel as if our world is crumbling right now.
Now more than ever, take a breath in and let it out.
So again, privilege of agency, a special right, one's independent capability or ability to act on one's will, not someone else's will.
Your will, not an 80 percenter's will, your 20% will, not the obligation of this is what we do to be the good girl and the good boy. But this is what I need to do right now to be of service to myself and betterment service to others.
Again, breath in and let it out.
[00:20:40] Speaker C: Thank you for being a part of this business Miracles podcast episode and for beginning to dip your toe into the journey of highly sensitive leadership training. If you are ready to truly use your sensitivities as strengths in all parts of your work and life, I invite you to connect for a Oneonone chat. You will experience being deeply listened to and together we'll get a sense of whether the highly sensitive leadership training programs are the best next step for you and your highly sensitive journey. At this time, just go to www.claritycall.com to schedule a conversation. We so look forward to connecting with you. Talk to you soon.
