Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Welcome to the Business Miracles podcast. I'm Heather Dominick, founder of Businessmiracles.com. since 2010, I've been training highly sensitive entrepreneurs and leaders from around the globe to work less while making more impact and income by doing things differently. I'm so glad you've joined me. Listen in and get ready for a shift in the way you view yourself, your work, your life. A business Miracle this is a course in Business Miracles podcast. Episode 147 hatching the highly sensitive leadership revolution in this episode, I'm sharing what's needed to drop the Persona of pretending you're someone you're not and to shift the highly sensitive shadow of people pleasing so you can show up authentically in the world to fulfill your destiny, your vocation, your life purpose. It's time to embrace your differences and accept the challenge of learning to lead and live your life from a place of your unique, highly sensitive strengths.
[00:01:18] Speaker B: Hatching as a highly sensitive leader to hatch the highly sensitive leadership revolution.
So what is hatching and how does it apply to being a highly sensitive leader? Now, before I go any further, let me just acknowledge that as I go into the training portion, there is going to be a part of your mind that is totally going to try to shut down.
So just write that down, just get ahead of it.
It's going to try to shut down. And at one point, very likely in this pre step, you will start to hear my voice sound like the teacher from the old Charlie Brown cartoons.
And you might start thinking about like, what am I going to have for lunch? What am I going to have for dinner? Wait a minute. Did I actually wash my socks as part of this week's laundry? I think I forgot to feed the hamster. You know what? I think the neighbor has a hamster. I should ask them about that hamster and where they got that hamster. Should I get a hamster? It'll try to come up with anything and everything except what I have to share with you today.
So again, just fair warning, in order to support yourself in staying with me. Now, one of the ways that you can do that, many ways, I'm going to give you a few ways. When your mind starts to distract, you can just put your hand on your heart, bringing yourself back to a calm nervous system.
You can take a fingertip and you can trace the number eight on your thigh, bringing you into a focused space.
It's the infinity signal and symbol that helps to bring focus back. And you can also take a moment to tap your heart.
You can tap your third eye. You can pull on your ear, bringing you back. And I won't mind if I see you suddenly tapping and pulling. I will actually be so glad to know that you're doing that rather than thinking about your neighbor's hamster.
So what is hatching and how does it apply to being a highly sensitive leader? The term hatching comes from a psychologist named Margaret Mahler. M A H L E R. Margaret Mahler.
Margaret Mahler, who's a psychologist doing groundbreaking work at the time, in the 1950s.
The theories she is most known for are child development and child development theories that focus largely on the mother child relationship.
Specifically, her studies focused on separation and individuation, and I would recommend writing that down, separation and individuation.
So, her study on separation individuation is considered her most valued contribution, stressing the importance of consistent attentiveness, especially from the mother, during a child's first three years of life, as vital to the ultimate goal of raising children who grow to be successful, adaptable adults. Let's write that down. Successful, adaptable adults.
The separation individuation phase takes place, according to Margaret Mahler, at about four or five months, as the child begins to develop a sense of self separate from the mother. This is further broken down into sub phases that proceed in a predictable order. Let's write that down. A predictable order.
So, differentiation, or known as hatching, occurs when the child first gains awareness that he or she is separate from the mother.
So, drawing on the egg metaphor, Mahler used the term hatching to describe the baby's emergence out of what Mahler believed to be the self absorption of earliest infancy. Around five months, the child starts to show increased awareness and interest in the surrounding world. It's as if the child is hatching out of a shell, finally entering the world psychologically as well as physically. Now, again, in the 1950s, this was groundbreaking.
The separation individuation process is broken down into four sub phases.
Those sub phases are differentiation or hatching.
That's phase number one, practicing phase number two, re approachment.
Phase number three.
And on the road to object constancy, phase number four.
Now, object constancy is the ability to retain a bond with another person. Here's the key.
Even if you find yourself upset, angry, disappointed, or, wait for it, disagreeing with their actions.
So again, phase four, object constancy, the ability to retain a bond with another person, even if you find yourself upset, angry, disappointed or disagreeing with their actions. Now, again, according to Mahler, the most apparent signs of individuation may show up around age eleven or twelve, or they may appear much later.
Write that down.
So, about six months ago I attended an online symposium all about hatching.
And in this symposium the focus was about hatching much later in life.
Now, going back to Mahler's original theory, if the child is strongly attached to the mother, then they may not individuate until much later, such as like college.
However, the symposium also emphasized that situations such as health issues, major life events, and other disruptions can also challenge the individuation timeline. So let's write that down. Other disruptions can also challenge or change the individuation timeline.
Now, as I was attending this symposium, as always, I am listening through the highly sensitive leadership lens.
And this had me thinking.
For most of us, we were not taught how to use our nervous system to work for us.
For most of us, to no one's fault, we did not have parents or teachers who celebrated our difference.
Going back to phase four of object constancy, most of us had parents or teachers who actually were not able to support the bond when we were upset, when we were angry, when we were disappointed or disagreeing with the actions, thoughts, or beliefs of our parents or teachers.
But of course, we were having different experiences than most of our parents and most of our teachers because we are highly sensitive.
So our nervous system was literally processing everything we were experiencing differently.
Now, for many of us, again, unbeknownst to us or those raising educating us, we experienced trauma associated with being highly sensitive.
Now, if you're unsure if this is you or you're resisting that this is you, like, not me. I never experienced any trauma.
You just ask yourself, did you ever have a moment when a you felt different and b believed there was something wrong with you because of this difference?
If your answer is yes, then this is very likely trauma associated with being highly sensitive, which leads us back to health issues, major life events, and other disruptions that can change or challenge the individuation timeline.
And so now the key is how we choose now to respond to this. Write that down.
How we now choose to respond to this.
Now, here's where we take a moment and what are we even talking about when we're talking about individuation? What's the purpose? Why is that important?
The purpose of individuation is to bring about wholeness in the individual.
Write that down.
The purpose of individuation is to bring about wholeness in the individual.
Wholeness suggests pay attention.
Wholeness suggests that a person is able, stay with me to fulfill one's destiny and vocation.
Wholeness allows the individual to be authentic in the world, thereby avoiding using only the Persona or the mask of people pleasing.
So individuation doesn't mean you have to go live up on a mountain and you're all by yourself and you completely separate from the people that you care about. Not at all.
I'm going to say it again. The purpose of individuation is to bring about wholeness in the individual, to be able to fulfill one's destiny and vocation, your life purpose, the reason why you've been brought here.
Wholeness allows the individual to be authentic in the world, thereby avoiding using only the Persona or mask of people pleasing. Now, let me say all this again with one word being changed. The purpose of individuation is to bring about wholeness in you.
Wholeness suggests that you are able to fulfill your destiny, your vocation, your life purpose.
Wholeness allows you to be authentic in the world, thereby avoiding using only the Persona or the mask of people pleasing.
So hatching later in life is a rebirth.
Hatching later in life is possible.
Hatching later in life as a highly sensitive is a mark of self leadership.
Hatching later in life as a highly sensitive leader is revolutionary.
Together we are hatching the highly sensitive leadership revolution, empowering ourselves to no longer people please in order to be light, no longer people pleasing, sabotaging our ability to create success, but instead embracing individuation, embracing our differences in order to lead and live our lives, including our businesses, including our work, from a place of our unique, highly sensitive strengths to fulfill our destiny.
The reason we've been brought here as highly sensitives, to be the royal advisors and to do it together, so that you don't have to worry or have fear about being left, being abandoned, being disliked, disowned, disavowed, simply because you're different.
And that's the power of hatching.
[00:18:00] Speaker A: Thank you for being a part of this business miracles podcast episode and for beginning to dip your toe into the journey of highly sensitive leadership training. If you are ready to truly use your sensitivities as strengths in all parts of your work and life, I invite you to connect for a one on one chat. You will experience being deeply listened to, and together we'll get a sense of whether the highly sensitive leadership training programs are the best next step for you and your highly sensitive journey. At this time, just go to www.claritycall.com to schedule a conversation we so look forward to connecting with you. Talk to you soon.
